- emmagibson24
Mask of Grace

MASK OF GRACE
The first thing he said to me
Was that I could take it off
That I didn’t need to wear a mask
It wouldn’t make a difference
Not to you
Not now
I didn’t want him to be here
Strutting his ownership of you
Like a mating peacock
I hate him
Just like you said I would
Remember when you told me the story
Of how he betrayed you?
And here he is again
Without a mask
Sniffing your money
Before he let me in here, he said,
We’re related
I’ve known her all my life
Implying
That our friendship was nothing more than
A supermarket acquaintance
You know?
How you meet people in the supermarket
And you have a shared look, a connection
Because the guy by the pasta is scratching his balls
And you both scuttle away and your eyes meet
And you think exactly the same thing at the same time and
POW!
There it is
That human connection
And it’s really quick, but it’s there
But even though it means something
It’s also gone as quickly as it came
And then you are by the tuna fish
And they are by the organic yoghurt
And it’s gone
But not us
I’ve known you for 5 years now
A friendship that was unexpected
A friendship that has hummed over and over
With the unanswered question
How much time?
Just 5 minutes, he said to me
That man in the garden
As his peacock feathers twitched
And shimmered in the heat
That’s all I was allowed
She may not even know who you are
He said
But you do, don’t you?
Even though I am wearing one of my masks
Not the paper one
I took that off
Gave it to him
To cover his beak
This is my mask of calm
It will not get angry
It will not get upset
It will not cry
It’s the one I wore the day
Your cancer came back
You had forgotten to put yours on
And I saw everything
The fear
The question
How much time?
Then when I got the call last week
After a year of waiting
I put the wrong mask on
By mistake
Stupid
I thought that by wearing
The brave and resilient one
I would protect myself
But later I was in the supermarket
And it slipped
Fell on the floor
And I began to cry by the onions
Someone made a joke
And when I turned to look at them
Looking for some human connection
I couldn’t find any
And now that mask has gone
I only have three others
The first one
I wore in the garden
It was made of paper
A flimsy blue barrier
To stop disease
The second one
I am wearing now
The mask of calm
Can you see it?
Is it working?
Because when I look at you
I can feel it slipping
The last one is the mask of grace
And I’m not allowed to wear it
Yet
We only wear it once in our life
The moment we confront our own mortality
This mask is soft
Easy to wear
Hard to distinguish
In fact
It barely looks like you are wearing a mask at all
I see you are wearing it
Although it is fading
You are so pale now
That it is hard to see your face
Your light
Your grace